“SEX
TAPES AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS”
Before the Kardashian sisters oozed their way
into the American spotlight, the gold standard for dark-haired, doe-eyed beauty
was set by the Evans girls of Fry Street in Tyler, Texas: Shelley, Kelley, and
Holley. If you were a male born between 1955 and 1972, you more than likely had
a serious jones for one or more of the Evans girls.
To
my knowledge, the Evans girls still hold the southern regional record for
Cut-Off Levi Wearing, Sister Division. They babysat, waterskied, went to sock
hops, raised money for charity by doing car washes, dated quarterbacks and
pitchers, and learned hand to hand combat in movie theaters and parked cars.
And
they had the absolute, ultimate, greatest Christmas light show. Ever.
As
in the entire history of Ever. It was massive display of lights visible from
space long before Google Earth. It was the capstone of Christmas light viewing,
which in Tyler, Texas is rightly considered an art form.
And
not one of the Evans girls earned their reputation by doing a below average homemade
sex tape with a third-rate rapper, whose real claim to fame was being the
brother of a second -rate pop singer. (When Aretha Franklin or Alicia Keys tells
me Brandy is an R and B singer, then I’ll take it under advisement.)
Unlike
Kris Kardashian Jenner, whose own claim to fame was being divorced from one of
O.J.’s lawyers, Maxine Evans is one mother who would have been heard on the
subject of a sex tape and I can all but guarantee the phrases “not one of my
daughters” and “take her over my knee” would have been deployed early in the
conversation. And I can’t even begin to conceive of the medieval shit Everett
Evans – a bruiser of a guy seemingly built to be the father of three pretty girls-
would’ve come up with in this situation.
But we live in a world
of “brands” and not dignity, a world where a mother would not only countenance her
daughter’s homemade sex tape but use it as a stepping stone to pimp out the
balance of her clan.
The sad thing about it
all is that it wasn’t even Kris Jenner’s idea in the first place. The publicity
arc of homemade sex-tape gets leaked/beautiful girl becomes famous for being famous/
starts perfume line/gets appearance fees for showing-up/has reality show/dates
a series of rich guys had already been charted by another genius, Paris Hilton.
Just one look at Bruce
Jenner‘s face should tell you everything you need to know about Kris Jenner in
the first place.
What does all this have
to do with yoga?
Nothing. And everything.
You see, my dear old
friend Holley Evans is among my small but deeply disturbed readership. She had lost
a leg thirty-four years ago in a boating accident.
After my last
installment in which I implored everyone to attempt a yoga pose at home, I got
a message from Holley which assured me that my wise-ass old friend had not
changed much over the years.
She asked simply:
Should I try it leg on or leg off?
I could actually see
the smirk on her face and the evil twinkle in her eye when I read it.
I replied that she was
still one of my favorite smart -alecks and that she had found her inner yogi. I
may not have been kidding.
In typical Evans Girl
fashion, she didn’t ask if, she asked
how.
The essence of a yoga
practice is having the dignity and courage to accept who we are and to modify
or adjust our true selves to achieve any pose. It is only from a fearless
physical inventory that we are able to achieve the poses we are attempting.
Legs are too short,
arms are too long, and shoulders are too wide for certain poses, forcing us to
modify and adjust our stances with our feet, the position of our hands or the
alignment of our head, hips, shoulders, or arms. Shoulders do not rotate enough,
hips are too open, and -wait for it- some people are too limber.
A month or so ago, I
was next to this clearly advanced yogi who had to be constantly adjusted in
order to reach the full expression of poses because she suffered from what the
swami calls a “bendy” back, i.e., she is too
flexible and can in fact get injured just trying to get any stretch at all.
Throughout the class, she was adjusted and modified in order to get some
stretch and not injure herself.
For a man quite proud
to simply touch his toes with straight legs, this is not exactly my problem.
Throughout most of my classes,
I mostly hear but do not see my fellow yogis, but this day I could sense an
advanced practice next to me: the steady flow of breath, the smoothness of
transitions within postures and from one posture to the next, the stillness and
strength in the holding of poses, and the lightness of movement that comes from
strong, engaged muscles and a properly focused mind.
The irony came at the
end of class when she was putting on her hoodie.
She had one hand.
I was truly
disappointed that I had missed seeing her practice because I missed the modifications
necessary for her to do poses. I am far from a formal student of yoga but I am
a true fan of the practice and this would have been a treat, watching her
smoothly transition through the advanced stages of poses with one arm.
Like watching Kevin
Durant win a three-point shooting contest- with one arm.
Later, it struck me
that Holley and this woman actually have a certain advantage in yoga as they
are exceedingly cognizant of their own unique physicality and have spent a
lifetime adjusting and modifying as a matter of course.
So when I asked my
teacher, Jennifer Hensley (periodically referred to herein as simply The Swami),
about how one would do a lunge with one leg, I should not have even been mildly
surprised when she immediately asked about the nature of Holley’s prosthetic,
its range of motion and ability to rotate and then proffered the solutions of
using a chair or a bolster to modify entry into or holding the poses.
It took about thirty
seconds, start to finish. Within three more minutes, she provided a variety of
adjustments and modifications which could be used as Holley’s practice progressed
further.
(I had forgotten that
Jennifer and Lotus Yoga had begun a yoga class for veterans under the auspices
of the Wounded Warrior project and as such is particularly attuned to dealing
with adjustments and modifications of this sort. Interesting, Holley’s son is a
soldier recently returned from Iraq safe and sound.)
Like the rest of my
journey, I was amazed at the simplicity and practicality of it all.
But it was more than
that.
Holley’s unique
physicality underscores all our uniqueness.
Perhaps for the first
time in my pilgrimage, I came to actually accept there is no perfect pose for
the cover of a yoga magazine, those Kardashian moments of air-brushed,
beatific-faced fraudulence which hide more than they reveal.
A perfect yoga pose is
what is perfect for our own bodies at that moment in time and nothing more.
Everyone achieves their depth in a pose in due time, aided by teachers,
modifications, adjustments, props, patience, discipline and a honest appraisal
of our own weaknesses and strengths.
This was yet another
moment when my practice reached across time and space, harmonizing my past with
my present. I am proud of my old friend, my teacher and myself, where I came
from, where I am and where I hope to go.
One last thing. I think
yoga magazines should show people falling more.
It may be the only way
I’ll ever make a cover.
© Thomas C. Barron 2014
Tom, you are one of the best writers I've read in a long time, I'm waiting on the book. Love your style. I've been friends with Holley since 2nd grade so I especially love this one (talked to her this morning). I base all my Christmas decorations on "What would Ev do?" My yoga practice has come a long way but has a long way to go, thankfully we're all where we are supposed to be, huh? I really relate to your chronicles. Namaste! -Dunc
ReplyDeleteDunc- I don't know if you wanted to make me cry this afternoon, old friend, but you did. Your note means the world to me. I'm about half-way through turning this into a book. Can't decide if I self-publish or what. Still catching the tail of this elusive interwebs deal. I can't believe you live so close and I have not seen but I love keeping up with you, Stace, and the twins. In any event, Dunc, please don't be a stranger and tell me if I'm ham-handing something. I truly trust your judgment, old pal. And thank you again. Yours, TC
Deleteanother gem, TC
ReplyDeleteYou're a beautiful man. I've always said it. I want to see you soon, compadre. How is it all coming? -TC
DeleteTom, I enjoy your blog and you are a great writer....I too have been friends with Holley for many years and speak and text with her weekly. I have the ultimate respect for Holley and the Evans family. Driving by the Evans home at Christmas was so exciting, we would make my parents stop the car so we could take in everything! Tyler Texas was a great place to grow up, sometimes you don't appreciate it until you are away, but there is no better place. I have just started Yoga and I love your writing because I relate. I am learning that Yoga is for everyone, it does allow you to be you, do what you can do and not feel inferior. My only problem is my attention span, sometimes I am so relaxed I am still in child pose when I soon realize everyone has moved on :) Keep Writing! Leslie Barton Vick
ReplyDeleteLes- High praise, indeed. And I am delighted you are on your own journey. It is a truly fulfilling one. I cannot believe you are friends with Priscilla Perales Stuart, my dear friend. They were our neighbors and remain dear friends to this day. In fact, we're having lunch Saturday. Her son Nathan and my son Noah were best buds growing up. Priscilla is very dear to Carrie and I. Love to see the pictures of the grandbabies and kiddos. They aren't making grandmas like they used to. Thank you again for your support, Les. It means so much coming from old friends. My best to you and yours. -Tom
DeleteTC...not joking...made me cry today....Damn you....and Thank you....lol
ReplyDeleteIt's ok, I cry at least once when I write anything.
DeleteWhat is this nonsense??? NO CREDIT. F-
ReplyDelete